MOVING MOUNTAINS

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Motion through Emotions

Ever wonder why we rock babies to sleep, get dizzy when we spin, or find swinging in a hammock so relaxing?

All these activities engage our vestibular system. Although it is not commonly discussed, our vestibular system is one of our seven sensory systems (touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste, proprioception, and vestibular) and plays a vital role in our functionality from a physical, psychological, and social perspective. On the level of the body, our vestibular system helps us find a center of gravity, stay balanced, and feel grounded. From a psychological perspective, a well-functioning vestibular system helps support self-awareness, organized thinking, and stable sense of self. Due to its role in stabilizing the body and mind, it influences how we respond to our environment, including our social surroundings.

Engaging in activities that challenge the vestibular system and improve vestibular processing lead to higher levels of cognitive, emotional, and physical functioning. It is recommended that people of all ages get out to move their bodies and challenge their vestibular processing to achieve a general a sense of general well-being.

However, for the purpose of this hack, we want to equip you with ways to engage the vestibular system to quiet the mind and body during intense anxiety. Here a few simple ways to use vestibular input to soothe the nervous system:

  • Rocking– use a rocking chair, office chair, or simply sway back and forth if it is socially appropriate to do so. Focus on slow, rhythmic, movement forward and backward.
  • Swinging– set up a hammock, go to a playground, or swing on a porch swing. Focus on slow, linear movement, either front-to-back or side-to-side.
  • Yoga– engage in slow, rhythmic movement that incorporate changes body and position, challenging one’s balance.
  • Sit on an exercise ball or unstable surface– slowly bounce on an exercise ball or try to practice being still and balanced on an unstable surface such as a trampoline, balance board, or balance beam.
  • Paced walking– walk in a slow rhythmic pattern of either back and forth, a circle, or a “figure 8” pattern.
  • Ride a bike–focus on pedaling a slow, controlled, and consistent pace or bike in a circle or figure-8 pattern.

MOVING MOUNTAINS

Resources

Pre-Gaming and Reframing: Helping Families Return To College After a “Failure”

Mountain Valley interviews Lisa Rosen, PsyD, about how she helps prepare families for a return to college after an anxiety-based withdrawal.

MV: So, Dr. Rosen, in our last newsletter we discussed how Mountain Valley helps prepare residents and parents for the transition from high school to college. But today we want to hear about the experience of families who have tried college, and it just didn’t work the first time. What’s that like for a family to have to try again after a false start?

Dr. Rosen: Well, there’s no denying that this experience is painful and disorienting for the resident and the parents. The level of anxiety over trying again can be very high, which is why we really focus on “pre-gaming” the return to college very early in the family’s treatment experience. The more pre-gaming we can do, the better. Pre gaming means really digging into the initial experience of college and gleaning insights from that experience for this next attempt, an attempt that includes a whole new set of skills and insights that the young person, and her parents, did not have the first time around. Pre-gaming is our way of getting really practical and concrete about what steps to take to be successful in college. We do this with the resident as a part of their treatment, and we do this with parents to empower them to better support their child’s return to college. This includes teaching them how to navigate their own anxiety!

MV: What are some examples of this support?

Dr. Rosen: We provide two categories of support for the child. First, we explore the setting itself, asking questions together like what supports are available in that setting? Is there enough support at this college? Is this the right setting to optimize this particular young person’s learning? Is this the right school? This kind of analysis is part of the resident’s therapeutic journey at MV. We use the resident’s past experience to look at their future experience from all sides—the social emotional setting and supports, the academic rigor, the learning support. In other words, we have to help the young person become reflective and analytical about the setting they may return to. The other category of support involves, of course, reflection regarding the state of the resident when they had that initial college experience. How much of their struggle was simply driven by what was going on emotionally for them at the time, separate from the external environment. What new skills and insights do they have to bring to this or another college environment?

MV: So, it sounds like you kind of flip the initial “failure” on its head, looking at it as an important source of information and as the beginning of a process of understanding that can form the basis of a successful college experience. To carry your “pre-gaming” analogy forward, is this a little like debriefing an early season loss in sport so that you can improve and succeed going forward, viewing this “loss” as a useful and instructive beginning rather than as an unsuccessful ending?

Dr. Rosen: Yes, and that brings me to the parents. We talk a lot about cognitive distortions as a part of our work with our residents. But this is also very useful in our work with parents. Reframing is an important part of correcting cognitive distortions around what can feel, understandably, like a crisis. Parents may think “our child has been working toward this very specific goal of this very specific college for twelve years and we have had this very linear view of how life is supposed to unfold and suddenly the plan is upended, it’s a disaster.” We help parents reframe this “crisis” as a “challenge” and one that has yielded important data. In terms of empathy for these parents, we know that reframing does not mean denying their feelings—it’s really hard, we know, and it can still feel terrible to the parent and the child. But ultimately, it’s really an opportunity to revisit some initial assumptions, to learn about our patterns and our child’s needs, and craft a more effective strategy for reengaging college.

It’s a balance of empowering the young adult to own their experience and apply new insights to their college experience and it’s also a chance to help parents balance their own role as supports. They are still parents after all, and their college-aged child is part adult and part child and still needs engaged parenting. But we also need to allow space for the child to learn from their own bumps and setbacks.

The pregaming we do helps the parents not only reframe the initial setback of a college withdrawal, it also helps them reframe future setbacks with a more flexible attitude, viewing each success and each setback as an opportunity for growth and learning—as a new and useful data point and an opportunity to practice new skills. It’s a win-win. We win if our kid succeeds. We also win if our kid experiences a setback and is equipped to reflect and say, “you know, mom and dad, here’s what I really need to be successful, here’s what I really care about, here’s what’s not working for me on this campus.”

The years from 18 to 22 may be what we define as “adult,” but what do we really want as parents? We want our kids to succeed from 25 to 80! We have to learn to play the long game here. That’s what we want college to prepare our kids for—a long and positive adult future. With that perspective, what a great opportunity college provides as a relatively safe laboratory to prepare our children for the challenges and opportunities of adulthood. That’s at the core of our pre-gaming and reframing approach to returning to college.

 

MOVING MOUNTAINS

Resources

Anxiety Goes to College!

Have you ever felt anxiety during a big vacation or dread at news of a new job or promotion?  Maybe a little (or a big) panic before a happy event like your graduation or wedding?  If so, that’s actually pretty normal!  Big life events generally involve transition and transitions are characterized by a disruption of routine and homeostasis—the predictable, familiar habits and circumstances that anchor us and help us feel calm and rooted. Big events bring big change, which is why even happy events can trigger an anxiety response—especially if you are already prone to anxious emotions.

One of the biggest transitions in young adulthood is leaving home to go to college. This transition, as traditionally navigated in the U.S., involves an instantaneous and wholesale change of virtually every aspect of a young person’s life and is, as a result, fraught with emotional obstacles. In fact, longstanding statistics indicate that about a quarter of all college students respond to these stressors by dropping out during their freshman year and up to 40 percent of all college students drop out over the course of their college experience and fail to earn a degree (based on six-year tracking). For young people with a history of anxiety, this wholesale transition can seem particularly overwhelming and can trigger staggering fear for both the would-be freshman and their parents!

So, we asked Mountain Valley therapist Sharon McCallie-Steller a question common among parents of college-aged young people: “How do you deal with anxiety when your child goes to college—both your child’s and your own?”

MV: Sharon, talk a little about what it’s like for young people who are getting ready for college. College should be a great thing, an exciting adventure. Why is it so scary and overwhelming for some?

Sharon: Anxiety is always focused on the anticipation, the uncertainty, about what might happen—fear around all the “what-ifs?” Since college represents a whole new life experience for a student—leaving home, leaving a familiar school situation, leaving friends, changing your whole environment and support network—there is a lot to process. It should be exciting, of course, but high levels of excitement often feel a lot like anxiety! So, for a student who is prone to anxiety, this very exciting time of anticipation can trigger an anxiety response.

MV: How can parents be helpful to their child during this time?

Sharon: Sometimes a parent’s well-intentioned and understandable impulse is to try to fix their child’s anxiety. They often make two mistakes. The first is to minimize their child’s emotional experience. Again, this is always well-intentioned, and it takes the form of trying to calm the child with statements like, “it will be fine,” “you’ll do great,” “just relax,” “everything’s going to be fine,” et cetera. This communicates to the child that they should not feel anxious, which can actually increase the anxiety and create separation between the parent and the young person. The reality is that it makes sense to be anxious in the face of so much change—it’s normal!

So a better place to start is to validate your child’s anxiety by simply acknowledging it: “Wow, yes, this is a big change. It sounds like you are really feeling anxious.” This immediately connects you with your child’s experience and creates room for helpful conversation. “Okay, mom gets it.” It makes you a safer ally. At this point, you might be in a better position to ease into the work that I call “planning to cope.” You can work with your child to dig a little deeper into the specific worries to  visualize real situations and discuss possible solutions: what if you struggle to find your classes, where can you can go for help and guidance, what do you want to make sure you’re involved in and how do you access that. But, again,  the first step for parents is to validate the childs experience.

MV: So the main points I’m hearing are: 1) validate the feelings—they are normal and acceptable, 2) visualize the specific points of anxiety, 3) discuss a practical plan for coping with those points.

Sharon: That’s right.

MV: So that covers how to help you deal with your child’s anxiety when they go to or go back to college. But what about your own anxiety as a parent?

Sharon: Yes, well parental anxiety around this time of year is often very high as well. I won’t see my child every day, I won’t be able to monitor their safety and wellbeing. Home like will change. I won’t have the same access to their friends. There are very real threats living on your own away from home and the familiar. You know as a parent that this transition is not all sunshine and rainbows. So just know that it’s normal and appropriate to have some anxiety. But as a parent you can reflect on what is, maybe, an outsized fear: what am I catastrophizing, what is my own anxiety and fear that I might be projecting onto my child, what is my own stuff that might be getting in the way of me being excited.

If significant fear comes up for you during this transition, it’s a great opportunity to do your own work, to seek support and growth. This can take the form of joining a parent group—which many colleges provide, or processing with your spouse, or joining a PTA group for parents of seniors. If the fear begins to interfere with your relationship with your child or ability to enjoy this adventure, you might consider therapy or parent coaching.

As part of your own work, this can be a great opportunity to reflect on what you know about your child’s capabilities and to anchor yourself in that. “She’s spent so much time preparing. She got into college based on her abilities. She has these attributes and abilities.” And like you’ve now done with your child, you can create your own practical coping plan for addressing concerns that cause anxiety.

MV: So, the plan for dealing with anxiety when your child goes back to college is much the same for the parent as for the child?

Sharon: That’s right. Validate and normalize the feelings, right-size the threats—gauging anxiety against reality, make a coping plan, and use this as an opportunity to work on yourself and build a support network.

MV: So if, after doing all this preliminary work, your child’s anxiety remains very high, how do you know if it might be smart to pause and get some help before?

Sharon: The question to ask is if the anxiety is interfering with daily functioning. Is my child making it to work, engaging socially, doing the things necessary to prepare for college like packing and planning? Or are they avoiding, staying in their room, not getting basic tasks done. If the latter, they might not be ready and you might consider speaking with your child, and a professional, to assess whether to hit pause and get some help addressing the anxiety itself. One thing to consider is whether deferring is, itself, an avoidance strategy or just a wise decision to prioritize growth and increase the odds of success. Conversation with a parent coach, educational consultant, or therapist can help you assess this question. Many parents and students choose to defer for these reasons and most colleges are set up to accommodate such a decision.

MOVING MOUNTAINS

Resources

Proprioception and Anxiety Grounding

Ever feel “out of your body” when severely anxious? Ever experienced the grounding effects of big a hug? What happens to our sense of body awareness when we are anxious? And how can we engage our sensory system to manage acute feelings of fear? 

Most people are familiar with the classic five: smell, touch, taste, sight, and sound.  However, many people are not aware of the other sensory systems that are essential to our human experience. One of which is proprioception.

Proprioception is your sense of body awareness. Within our skin, muscles, and joints, live tiny little receptors called proprioceptors, who are responsible for perceiving our body position and our movement. These receptors send signals to our brain, telling it where our body is in relation to itself or the external environment. This is the sense that allows you tell how far away something is when you go to grab it or whether your arm is in the right position to catch a ball. 

Like all other sensory systems, our proprioceptive system is directly related to autonomic nervous system, and therefore plays a role in sympathetic arousal (“fight, flight, and freeze”) and parasympathetic arousal (“rest and digest”). Research has shown that when our sympathetic system is engaged, our sense of proprioception is impaired. This would explain that “vertigo” and “out of body” experience people often describe during high states of anxiety. However, the inverse relationship is also true, and when proprioceptive system is engaged, it stimulates our parasympathetic nervous system, helping us to move to calmer state of being. 

So how do we engage our proprioceptive system? Here a few quick tips:

Do “Heavy Work” – to engage the proprioceptive system, we need to engage the muscles, tendons, and joints of our body. One of the easiest ways to do this is through “heavy work”, such as: 

  • Lifting weights 
  • Using resistance bands  
  • Push/Pull activities 
  • Yardwork/gardening tasks (shoveling, moving a wheel barrel, lifting heavy objects, etc.) 

Apply Deep Pressure – Another way to get input to the muscles, tendons, and joints of your body is to apply pressure to them. So yes, your deep tissue massage can help with your anxiety! Here is a list of few examples:

  • Massage 
  • Weighted items (weighed blankets, vests, etc.) 
  • Stress balls or thera-puddy (pressure to the hands) 
  • Chewing gum (pressure to the jaw) 
  • Hugs

Foster Body Awareness & Coordination  finally, activities that require one to coordinate their body in space also inherently engage the proprioceptive system. These activities may include: 

  • Yoga
  • Tai Chi
  • Body scans 
  • Climbing 
  • Hiking (especially on uneven terrain!)