Izzy Witkos didn’t have a normal childhood. At 10 years old, she struggled with anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and doctors diagnosed her with PANS/PANDAS. The condition stems from the body’s response to infection and causes the sudden onset of psychological and neurological symptoms.
As a result, she traded the classroom for doctor’s visits while her family sought appropriate care. She worked to manage her complex symptoms, which also included an eating disorder, while trying to make it through high school. Something flipped the summer before her senior year, and Witkos decided she’d either end her life or get help at Mountain Valley. Fortunately, she chose MV and quickly realized it was the one of the best decisions of her life. We caught up with the 2017 graduate at her home in Southern California, where she’s working to become a board-certified lactation consultant.
Tell us about your background and how you came to Mountain Valley?
“I grew up in Massachusetts and struggled with many different things, including being sick with PANDAS/PANS and Lyme disease. There were a lot of different factors going on.
I switched to a Montessori school in sixth grade for more support, and I was missing a lot of school for hospital and doctor visits. I ended up at an academy for high school, but I was still really sick, physically and mentally. I toured Mountain Valley for the first time in February 2017, and I did not want to go. I had severe separation anxiety and the thought of being away from my parents was really anxiety provoking.
I was too scared to commit, but then I had a really hard summer going into my senior year of high school. I was at an outpatient facility every day and it was not going well. I remember I had this thought one evening that I’d either kill myself, or go to bed, wake up, and go to Mountain Valley.
I went downstairs and told my mom I was going to go. They called, and a week later we were driving up together.”
What was your Mountain Valley experience like?
“It was emotional and surreal. For years I’d been in outpatient programs and by the time I arrived, I was physically healthier, but the mental part was difficult. The first 24 hours didn’t seem real. After a week I thought ‘This was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.’
When I was younger it felt like everyone told me what to do, and for the first time I took initiative for my own mental health. I was so determined. They told me the average stay was 90 days, and I knew I’d graduate sooner—I knew what I needed to work on and I was ready.
I journaled every single day I was there. I had the idea to draw a triangle on my hand every day, with one side representing the physical, the second emotional, and the third spiritual strength. It was so meaningful to me that I had it tattooed on my hand later.
The residential staff were such an amazing part of my experience, I cannot speak more highly of them, and I still remember some of their names and nicknames. Every single person was amazing and so willing to listen, and that was all I needed sometimes. It’s a hard job but a wonderful job.
I think so highly of Don Vardell, and I still have the shirt he gave me at graduation. It’s my prized possession. I feel overwhelming gratitude and joy when I look back. I have nothing bad to say about the experience. It’s so ironic to think that about a treatment center, but I knew I needed to do something, and it gave me the skills I needed. Every time someone asks me what helped the most, I tell them Mountain Valley.”
Do you have any favorite memories from your time at MV?
“I was a big runner and loved to run, but I’d struggled with an eating disorder and OCD around exercise. The first week I was there, I wasn’t allowed to work out, so I learned to have rest days. My exercise addiction went out the window. Once I got the privilege back to run, I’d get up early with the walkie talky and feel so at peace. I knew the staff trusted me and it was teaching me to trust in myself. It was nice to have that solitude before I worked hard the rest of the day.”
What came next?
“I was able to attend Skidmore College and graduated on time with honors. I pursued a master’s degree in mental health and was close to completing it before I had a pivot. I decided that the decision was fueled by trauma and it was time to do something different.
Now I’m a birth doula and in a lactation program at UC San Diego. I want to become a board-certified lactation consultant and work in the medical field. It’s funny because I spent a lot of my childhood in hospitals, but I love it now—especially working with children and pregnant and postpartum women.
Mountain Valley taught me patience and compassion for myself. I don’t have to have everything figured out. I learned that pain was temporary and my anxiety was about control. I learned a lot of patience in the process and trusting that things would work out.”
What do you hope your future looks like?
“I just hope it’s peaceful. I want to have a peaceful life and help people. Today I’m in a very loving and supportive partnership, and I live on my own, which I never thought I’d want to do. I’m also the closest I’ve ever been with my parents and family.
Now that I’m 26, when I say I want peace I mean it, and I don’t want things that won’t bring me peace. Mountain Valley was the first sliver of peace I’ve had in my life and that’s only expanded.”
